A few months ago, I traveled to the States with my mom to visit family. We stayed with my brother, his wife, and her sister (weird living arrangements, since they’re newlyweds, but whatever). Cue family drama, blah dee blah. Long story short, the sister and my mom had a few disagreements and there is residual bad feelings on my mom’s side. My mom and I were chatting on the phone yesterday, and she started in on this woman’s weight.
Mom: She is really big. Huge!
Me: You do realise that she wears the same size as me, don’t you?
Mom: Oh, yeah, but… you look much smaller! You’re taller and carry yourself better! She’s just BIG!!11!!
Me: *sigh* Remind me again, why is this important?
Mom: It isn’t. I’m just being mean.
Me: Right….
I don’t want to cast my mom in a bad light or anything; she has a lot of weight-related angst herself, has never been happy with her weight, and has a fair bit of disordered eating issues. She wanted to lash out at this woman, and chose to mock her for her weight. Even though I wear the same size clothing as her! I borrowed her skirt while we were over there, fer pete’s sake.
Talk about double-think or what.
It’s interesting/disturbing to me how often when we (as a society) want to insult a woman we go to their appearance even though that is not the source of our anger or upset. I have nothing deep to say about that.
My Mom’s the other way around..
Now she’s starting in on me b/c I “accidentally” lost (according to her “too much” ) weight through the oh-so-effective “poverty diet”.
My Mom and I have both struggled with our weight. Well, we still are. And I honestly blame my weight problems on her somewhat. I grew up watching her crash diet then we’d go eat fast food for a month. And then she still says…”Oh looks like your pants are kinda tight.” Yes MOM! They are cutting off the circulation to my uterus, and so are yours. Its a viscious relationship. Just stick up for yourself.
Like your blog btw.
http://www.peglegstarfish.com
I care about how you write, not look. Are you employable? You betcha. And besides, you look great.
I’ve gained weight in my marriage and was a size 9 ring back then - still fits. And I don’t have kids! Only a spoiled dog and wonderful husband.
I saw your blog on WordPress’ fastest growing blogs. Perhaps I’ll get there but six weeks in I’m OK. Check out http://cookingwithdee.net
I cook healthy and leave the baking to Mom and my sisters because they leave me in the dust with their talents.
I have similar episodes with my mother, sister and sister-in-law all the time. We all have ‘weight issues’ … though I’m willing to bet that I — the largest of all of us — have far fewer issues than the others because I’ve come to accept my body in a way that they are all very far from being able to do. My mom is such a fat-phobe, but has learned (at least a little) to listen to some of the things she says about other people’s bodies. I think it’s great that your mom realized that she was ‘just being mean’ … that’s a step. Yes, it would be an even bigger and better step if she realized before she spoke that she was angry with this woman and that the woman’s body had nothing to do with that anger. [sigh] It’s a process.
I’m glad I stopped by to check out your blog. I really like it. (And wasn’t Dr. Horrible fabulous?!)
–Stacie